I’m not the first woman to fall in love with the wrong man and I’m not likely to be the last. When it happened to me, it was like living in a room with no air. I felt suffocated unless he was there beside me. I couldn’t function without him which became dangerous because when we fought, he would “forget about me” for days. Dating a narcissist is one of the most dangerous habits you could have. Everything started off wonderfully, dating him was exciting and we were always doing something fun.
When I first met him, we were friends and he would often refer to me as his “Princess.” I could do no wrong and his loyalty to me kept me warm. It was like I was high on a pedestal that I would never be able to get down from. When we started dating it was that man that I had been friends with for years that I thought that I would be dating. But within a few months, things started to change. He had always called me intelligent and smart; he was impressed with the fact that I was a writer, but suddenly everything I did was “stupid.” He started saying it so often that it made me wonder if I actually was. I used to feel like I was on top of the world when I was with him but then I started to feel awful every time I was in his presence. He started to say things like my career wasn’t “a real job” or that I needed to work out more. After a while, it was as if I could do nothing right and I started to fall into a deep depression.
It's sad when you love someone so much and you have a hard time understanding why they have changed. You assume you must have done something wrong and they make you believe that you did. He used to be so kind and now I was struggling to do anything I could to please him all the while he was telling me that I was “the worst girlfriend he ever had.” I had a hard time processing that because I was trying so hard to make him happy.
We got into a huge fight one day and he told me that the world would be a better place if I killed myself. I knew then that if I didn’t leave that he would probably push me to do just that. Leaving was a struggle because he would always pull me back in with promises that things would be better.
I know I’m not the only woman or even man who has struggled in a similar situation. There was a time in my life that I used to think that I was too strong ever to get involved with an abusive man but with a narcissist, you are often blindsided. You don’t see the signs until you are already in love and committed to that person. I made a mistake but I was able to correct it by leaving and I know that there are so many women out there that never do. They don’t realize that there are women just like them, a support system that can get them through anything.
"Leaving was a struggle because he would always pull me back in with promises that things would be better."
I write many stories about love in You Taste Like Whiskey and Sunshine; some are bad while others are wonderful. I like telling these stories because not only have they made me the woman that I am today but they give me the opportunity to help others who have gone through the same things that I have. I have also met a former survivor of abuse, Andrea Scarborough who works to help other survivors get through their experiences. The more people that talk about these issues, the more women will come forward. Abuse doesn’t define you and you can move on from your past.
Kimberly Love is an author, radio host and a Resiliency and Mental Toughness Specialist.
She wrote her memoir, YOU TASTE LIKE WHISKEY AND SUNSHINE to take the reader through her journey of overcoming abuse.
She has transformed her life and wants to help other women do the same. Her radio show with 30,000 plus daily listeners showcases celebrities, coaches, and entrepreneurs who are an inspiration to women.
Crushing 40 is about empowerment and helps women to learn to have fun and to go past fear to discover the life that they have always dreamed of.
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